Through the Gate to the Broad Place

The notes for Psalm 20 in the Wesley Study Bible say that this is an intercession for the king.  It says that  the people are asking for God’s protection for their king, because their safety is contingent upon his safety.  I’m glad that I read the Psalm before I read the notes because, I had a very different take on this, particularly on verses 4 and 5:

“May he grant you your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your plans.  May we shout for joy over your victory, and in the name of our God set up our banners.  May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.”

What I heard in my head and heart was a blessing.  This is the type of prayer that I would pray for a loved one or a friend, particularly if they were struggling with some issue.  Not only do I want my friend to overcome obstacles but, I want to celebrate with them, when they achieve their goal!  This is the kind of prayer that I hope someone would pray over me!

There was another verse that caught my attention, as well, that I think goes nicely with this blessing.  Psalm 18, verse 19:

“He brought me out into a broad place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.”

The notes on this verse say that a broad place is far from enemies that would otherwise be pressing in on an individual.  Again, I understand what they are saying,  but I saw something very different!  In my minds eye, I saw a wide, open, space, full of opportunity.  I saw potential!

Here’s my convoluted thought process.  It’s a winding path but stay with me! It will make sense, once we wind through the maze!   Jesus said the gate is narrow.  We have to choose to walk through the gate.  But what happens when you walk through that gate?  Things usually open up into a much wider, broader space!  Why does God give you gifts and graces?  Why does God give you ideas and plans?  Why do the right people show up, at the right time, in the right place?  Here’s the part that we tend to skim over; the reason is, because God delights in you!

If you have prayed to God to use your gifts and graces, for His honor and glory, if you have asked Him what His plan is for your life, then you have started towards that narrow gate.  What a delight!  Someone who actually stopped talking, and stopped long enough to ask what His plan is, rather than, putting forth what you think the plan should be!  Once you walk through that gate, the Holy Spirit puts His arm around your shoulder and says “look around you.”  You look and think “wow, this is way more than I imagined!”  His plan, is your plan, and he will fulfill your heart’s desire!  Your friends and family will celebrate with you because, God has delighted in you!  It is a powerful, profound image!  An incredible vision, if we could just believe in it!  Ah, there’s the catch, the thing that keeps you from walking through that gate!  It’s hard to believe, especially if we feel that we are not “delightful!”

Leslie Weatherhead, in his book, “A Private House of Prayer” said something that was stunning in it’s simplicity, and really gets to the heart of the matter.  In the meditation for day 4, he talks about the story from Mark, chapter 2, where the four men, literally, haul their sick friend up to the roof, and remove the tiles, so they can lower him down to Jesus, because they truly believe Jesus can heal him.  Jesus does not say to the man, “you are healed.”  What does he say?  “Son, your sins are forgiven.”  Rev. Weatherhead says this:

“How many disabilities of ours would disappear if we could really feel completely forgiven, utterly free from guilt?” 

 He comes back to this point, during the confession for day 15, when he says this:

“God does not ask us to live in a state of continual remorse about our past sins, but to outgrow them and become spiritually adult.”  

God forgives, but do you forgive yourself?  Why are you unable to believe that God delights in you?  Because you can’t let go of the guilt.  It is tough to believe in the forgiveness of God when you can’t forgive yourself!  The train of thought in your head is “how can I ask for blessings when I’m not worthy?”

God’s forgiveness is not dependent on us, or how worthy we think we are!  God forgives because God is God!  He is merciful, and loving; and He doesn’t worry about the past, when someone has truly repented and asked for forgiveness.  If He wanted us to wallow in guilt over past sins, then, why would He send Jesus?  Jesus came because God so loved the world!  Jesus came so that we could experience forgiveness!  When we choose to believe Jesus is Savior, and ask for forgiveness, God forgets those sins!  He focuses on the present, and the future, and what wonderful things are waiting for you, if, you would just believe and ask!  This is why Paul, in Philippians 3, talks about “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead” and he talks about pressing towards the goal of the “heavenly call” of God.  If past guilt keeps holding you prisoner, how can you move forward?  Didn’t Jesus come to set each of us free?

God has a “heavenly call” for each of us; a delightful plan that He wants to share.  But, you’re not going to enter that narrow way, if, you keep hauling all the guilt baggage around with you!    Let it go!  God has forgiven you, learn to forgive yourself!  

As you let go of all that baggage, and walk through that narrow gate, I pray with the Psalmist that  God will grant your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans.  I believe that he will deliver you to that broad place because God is Good.  He loves you, He forgives you and He delights in you!  May you shout with joy when your victory comes, because God loves YOU, and delights, in YOU!

The Quest is Afoot! Journey in to Christian Mysticism

Have you ever wondered if there was something more to life than what you see or hear or feel?  Is there something deeper, more meaningful than can be experienced through your senses?  If you have asked those questions, then you will understand my quest, my search for that deeper meaning!  That deeper understanding is a bit of a mystery for me.  And in this age of “knowledge at your fingertips” with a few strokes of the keyboard and a search on the internet, you can find a lot of information!

Now, initially, I thought I was looking for the way of a Prophet.  When I would read about the Prophets in the Bible, they always seemed to possess a mystical quality-a knowing beyond knowing.  I wasn’t looking for the great sage who sat on a hillside, cross legged, uttering “ohm” over and over again.  They reminded me of that phrase about people who are “so heavenly minded, that they were no earthly good.”  No, what I was looking for, was a way to grab on to the truths that meant something in the here and now and could be used for good in the here and now!  And that is when I discovered the distinct difference between mysticism and prophecy.

Webster’s dictionary defines mysticism as “the doctrine or belief that direct spiritual apprehension of truth or union with God may be obtained through contemplation or insight in ways inaccessible to the senses or reason.”  So a “mystic” is someone who practices this belief.  A Prophet, on the other hand, as defined in Webster’s dictionary is “a person who by divine inspiration, declares to the world the divine will, judgments, etc.”  So, the way I understand this, is that, a mystic does not necessarily “declare” anything to the world, like a Prophet.  They are on a spiritual quest.    So far, so good!  This made sense.

I soon discovered though, in our modern world, mystic and mysticism, are terms loosely used!  They run the gamut of philosophies and practices!  That was not what I was looking for!  I was looking for a Christ centered, Christian based example-Christian Mysticism.  Did I mention that this is almost as muddy and undefined?  It runs the gamut from Leslie Weatherhead and Norman Vincent Peale to Ernest Holmes with C.S. Lewis and G.K. Chesterton thrown in, for good measure.  If you go back to ancient times, the names that come up range from St. John of the Cross to Jeanne Guyon.  Yes, clear as mud!  I was about to throw up my hands in defeat!

Fortunately, this is the point when I came in to possession of Morton T. Kelsey’s book “The Other Side of Silence.”  Although the book was published back in 1976, his words are as true for today as when he wrote the book!  From the very beginning, I discovered that he put in to words, what I had been feeling.  In the very first chapter he says this: “I found that I could read the Scriptures and say my prayers and offices with little sense of contact, almost no experience.  Most of this activity came from my conscious mind.  I was reading the bible like a student, voicing the prayers mostly as thought forms, and more and more the feeling grew of something lacking, of facing a dead end.”

This perfectly described my feelings about prayer and meditation!  Why was it, that I could read the Bible and get so much out of it, but trying to follow all of the various forms of prayer left me feeling empty?  He addresses this point in chapter 2:  “…the meditative process is a many-faceted jewel…So many people like to emphasize certain forms of prayer or meditation such as prayer of thanksgiving or adoration.  But these are completed only when one’s prayer life involves all the other aspects of his life, from one’s anguish and despair to volcanic and explosive anger.”  (This is probably why I fell in love with Leslie Weatherhead’s book “A Private House of Prayer” because his imaginative room layout allows for such breadth of prayer and meditation.)

Further on, in chapter two, I experienced my biggest “ah-ha” moment, so far.  He discusses the differences between introverts and extroverts.  He starts off by saying that God “…wants each of us to seek Him in whatever way is the best for us individually, and He honors each personality and does not try to force us into any particular pattern or mold in order to relate to Him.”  He then gives some examples of the different ways that each type experiences prayer and meditation, “…extroverts find meaning among people and in doing things, their prayer life will probably be geared to service with and to others….Introverts…find the inner world fascinating and easy to deal with.  They are very likely to have no trouble finding an inner experience of God’s presence…Since they enjoy quiet, it is relatively easy for them to find time to meditate…”

Ah ha!  Most of the books on prayer are written by individuals who find quiet, contemplative prayer as easy as breathing!  I, on the other hand, try to sit quietly and hold a thought in my head but end up running a shopping list of thoughts through my head instead!  Quiet contemplation is not my strength.

However, if I am in the garden pulling weeds, looking after plants, doing something active, I suddenly find myself with all sorts of insight into things that I might have been trying to pray about or that I had been struggling with!  For me, gardening is a form of meditation!  It wasn’t that I was a failure at prayer and meditation.  The problem was that the methods I was trying to use were not the methods that worked best for me!  That one realization was such an Eureka moment for me that I was astounded that I had not discovered this on my own!  I felt like a weight had suddenly been lifted off of my shoulders!

And so, the mystical journey begins!  I’m not sure where it will lead.  I am positive that it will not always be easy.  But knowing that God honors the journey is priceless!  I’ll keep you posted.

Food for Thought: A Private House of Prayer

For those of you who read this blog regularly, you know that prayer is one area where I feel I could be doing so much better!  In my on-going quest, I literally stumbled across this little gem the other day.  I thought you might enjoy reading it as well.  It is an excerpt for a classic book by Leslie D. Weatherhead called "A Private House of Prayer."  I had never heard of Leslie Weatherhead before but Rev. Jeff knew the name because of another book that he had written called "The Will of God."  From what I could glean, Leslie Weatherhead was a Methodist minister in England and wrote quite a few books over the years!  The excerpt is very short but I found it to be informative!  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did!  Without further ado, here is the link:
A Private House of Prayer

Prayer as Conversation-Pray Like You Mean It!

Psalm 145 is David’s description of who God is.  He uses words like magnificent, mercy, grace, boundless, slow to anger, good, generous.  Towards the end of the Psalm The Message paraphrase says this:

“God’s there listening for all who pray, all who pray and mean it.”

That phrase makes me wonder.  Do we sometimes pray and not really mean it?  Do we “have not because we ask not?”  Are we dealing with a case of insincere prayer, sometimes?

How does one pray and not mean what they pray?  It’s an interesting question.  It resonates with something I learned in one of the workshops that I attended at Leadership Institute.  The workshop was led by Rev. Dr. Constance Cherry and it focused on corporate prayer during worship services.  She asked a question that really put the importance of prayer in perspective.  If the people  in this congregation only had me to teach them to pray, what would their concept of God be like?  We may not realize it, but prayer is an important part of a worship service and we need to give it the same consideration that we give other elements as well.

Are we demonstrating that prayer is a conversation?  Are we showing them that God is vast, wondrous and close?  Do we acknowledge God’s presence?  Bottom line, are we teaching our members how to pray?

You may think that is an odd question but think about it, do we teach our members how to pray just for the sake of praying or do we teach them how to have a conversation with God.  A conversation involves not only talking but also listening.  People know how to talk, the fine art of listening-sometimes that isn’t as strongly or equally emphasized.  Dr. Cherry did an informal study and discovered that in all services, prayer time has become less and less during corporate worship.  Corporate worship, our Sunday morning services, are prime opportunities to model prayer conversation.  We shy away from quiet or silence because it’s uncomfortable.  It’s uncomfortable in worship and it’s uncomfortable in private prayer time.  We, as a society,  have become accustomed to noise!

And perhaps that is where the insincere praying comes in to play.  We pray a lot but do we ever stop and listen?  Imagine how frustrating that must be to God.  “Here I am!  I hear you!  Could you stop talking long enough so I can speak to you?”  What would God have to say to you if he could get a word in edgewise?  Interesting thought to consider, if you ask me!  It may be frightening to some but if you look at the list of attributes that David writes about, God wants to speak lovingly, not in a harsh negative manner.  Sure, the possibility exists that there may be some correction but God is slow to anger!  So chances are, there will be a lot of good things, if we are willing to stop long enough to listen!

Can we learn to become comfortable with silence again in our worship services and in our private prayer time?  Can we pray our prayer and wait patiently and quietly for a response?  Can we begin to converse with God again and have a sincere conversation?  Will we learn the fine art of pausing and waiting for the presence of the Lord?

I know that this is a goal for me over the next year.  Talk less, listen more!  Lord give me strength because quietly waiting is not one of my stronger qualities!  But I’m willing to learn!

Spending Time in the Back End of the Hymnal

Have you ever actually looked at the services at the end of the Methodist Hymnal?  I was looking through the hymnal this morning cause I am still on the quest to shake my Grinch mood!  I really love the prayer from the morning praise and prayer service!

"New every morning is your love, great God of light, and all day long you are working for good in the world.  Stir up in us desire to serve you, to live peacefully with our neighbors, and to devote each day to your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ the Lord." 

 There are some really beautiful prayers, affirmations and responsive readings that have sort of fallen by the wayside.  So here's a thought for those of you planning special services during Advent.  To add to the sense of expectation and contemplation perhaps it would be worth spending some time in the back end of the hymnal and reacquaint your members with some of those special words, prayers and services.  Teach them how to go beyond saying the words by rote and instead paint the picture with inflection and cadence-find the rhythm and flow of the words.  The spoken word can paint amazing pictures in the mind when spoken with sincere feeling!

Just a thought.

Watch out Mr. Grinch!

Have you ever had "one of those kind of days" that turned into several "those kind of days"?  Today, I could give the Grinch a run for his money!  What a sweet and charming thought as we start the season of Advent-NOT!

I'm using the desk top to write this blog post because the charger on the lap top fried/died/whatever.  On the plus side, the expensive battery seems to be fine (I hope) but I need to get a new charger (which wasn't in the budget).  Nor, was the battery on my car which decided to die on one of the coldest mornings that we have had so far.  This I discovered, as I was getting ready to drive my son up to the bus stop yesterday morning.  No problem, I would just use my daughter's old Jeep which is sitting here in the driveway since she is off in the military.  Apparently, my children believe that when they borrow a vehicle E stands for "extra mileage".  Long story short, my son made the bus because my husband happened to be home because he had succumbed to some sort of stomach bug-which my son now has today.  Oh, and we have temporarily removed the battery from the "spare" Jeep into my Jeep so I can actually drive the thing.  Oh, and did I mention that somehow, someone has been hacking into our Internet access which is why our cell phone bill has been so high?  Discovered that yesterday morning too.  So much for password encrypted security.  Fortunately we can turn the thing on and off, so hopefully that will solve our little neighbor problem. 

Yup, been a hum dinger doozey few days at my house!  Which has translated into a grumpy prayer time for me.  I'm having a bit of a hard time counting my blessings and seeing the "gift" in these experiences.  So, I'll be honest, I had a full blown gripe fest session with God this morning.  The stuff I described, just the tip of the iceberg and I'm feeling a little abandoned and hung out to dry!  When oh when, do things start to improve?  How can I be a blessing to others when I am up to my eyeballs in stuff?!  And quite frankly, why bother to ask my opinion on something (church wise) when it isn't like I have any authority on the outcome in the first place???  Seriously, everyone is gonna do what they want to do regardless of what I do or do not say, so why bother?  Home, church, family, finance, life in general-not exactly humming along smoothly!(Yup, I had my full blown whine on in rare form this morning!)

Guess what God pointed me to this morning?  First Corinthians 1, which I had read awhile ago and where I underlined some things that were a rather appropriate response for today.  Here's what I underlined in the The Message paraphrase:

"All God's gifts are right in front of you...not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track...He will never give up on you.  Never forget that."

If He is not giving up, guess I had better just take a deep breath and keep going.  Steady as she goes, God, steady as she goes.  Tomorrow should be a better day-I hope!

A Mother's Prayer

I don't know what is going on.  I don't know the full story.  All I know is my mommy senses are tingling.  So I sit here and wait, hoping to get more information to understand the whole picture.

And I'm praying.  A lot.  Without words.  A mother's prayer.

Because at this point it is out of my hands.  It's in God's hands.  Which is where it has been all along.

I wait.

I pray.  I pray some more.  Still I wait.

I have to trust and believe and have faith.  But when it's your own kid that is mighty mighty hard!

Peace.  Be still.  Know I am God.

I'm trying Lord.  I'm trying.  Father God, hear my prayer!  A mother's prayer.

Lord, Give me Strength to be Gracious!

Has anyone else had to deal with this issue?  I say "the sky is blue."  The next person points out to me that actually, there are shades of gray.  In other words, no matter what I say, it is never right and the other person must go out of their way to correct my "error".  I can say something positive, and they will do their very best to tear it apart.  And it takes every fiber in my being to bite my tongue!  Is it really that hard to just say it's going to be a nice day?  Would it be the end of the world if, just for once, instead of saying something negative, something positive comes out of your mouth?

Logically, I know that the second greatest command is "love your neighbor as yourself", which means being gracious.  I'm having a hard time with that one as of late!  Wanting to reply back in a snarky manner is overwhelming!  I want to ask "do you engage your brain before you open your mouth or do you just like hearing yourself talk?"  I think it, I oh so desperately want to say it, but I don't, because in the whole scheme of things I know that it's not nice and it won't help further the conversation!

Needless to say, my prayer as of late is "Lord, give me the strength to be gracious" because right now I am feeling anything but gracious!  I'm feeling cranky!  Forgive me Lord, but it's true!  The favored definition of insanity these days is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  That's what is going on, and I see it!  Do you confront that reality head on or do you try to be gracious and gently turn the direction?  Personally, I favor the gentle approach.  It doesn't seem to be working!

Forgive me my crankiness Lord and give me strength, patience and wisdom to be gracious even on days like this!  It's a beautiful day!  The sky is blue, the leaves are turning, the breeze is gentle!  I will rejoice and be glad!  I'll acknowledge the gray and say "yup, it's a bit hazy!"   Mama said some days would be like this, I just didn't realize that there would be so many in a row!  Lord oh Lord, give me strength!

If You Look for Him, He Will Let Himself Be Found

In chapter 15 of Second Chronicles Azariah goes out to meet King Asa to deliver a message.  Here's how The Message paraphrase words the Prophet's message:

"Listen carefully Asa, and listen Judah and Benjamin:  God will stick with you as long as you stick with him.  If you look for Him, He will let Himself be found; but if you leave Him, He'll leave you."

The story of Asa is such a great story!  (Seriously, if you have never read it, take the time today and read it for yourself!)  Asa made the decision early on that he was going to follow God, really follow to the best of his ability.  He tore down the pagan altars and shrines.  He even removed his mother from the throne because she had built an image of Asherah, which he tore down and burned.   Asa is a reminder to all of us that one good follower can make a difference!

Further on in the chapter we read about the people gathering together to offer sacrifices and to worship and it says that after the sacrifice was offered:

"They bound themselves in a covenant to seek God, the God of their fathers, wholeheartedly, holding nothing back."

 Asa and the people seeking God together.  Can you imagine that?  It must have been an awesome sight!  The power of the praise and the prayers going forth.  The expectant waiting to hear the word of the Lord.  The Message paraphrase goes on:

"Anticipating the best, they had sought God-and He showed up ready to be found."

Wow!  How cool is that?!

Reading this made me start to think about how often I truly seek the Lord.  Do I do it wholeheartedly?  Do I seek without holding anything back?  I'm not talking about those times when things are crazy busy and hectic and I have enough time to utter a 50 second prayer.  I'm talking about intentional times when I am determined to hear a message.  I have to be honest.  I think there are times that I hold back.  Why?  Because I'm not so sure that I want to hear the plain unvarnished truth.  I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense but for those who know me well, they know that I am my own worst critic.  I am far harder on myself than I am on anybody else!  I know this because I have family and dear friends who have told me "cut yourself some slack!"  They are the ones who tell me that I am too hard on myself!  So when I talk about "the plain unvarnished truth" I mean being afraid of hearing love spoken, I mean being afraid of hearing that I am forgiven.  Criticism I can take, cause I know my laundry list of faults.  Knowing that God loves me, warts and all is hard!  Because I fail.  I fail so many many times, I don't deserve that kind of unconditional love!  Seriously, how can someone who knows all, and sees all; someone who has been, who is now and ever will be, perfect in all things, love someone as utterly flawed and imperfect as me?  It boggles my mind!

That's what grace is all about though, isn't it?  It's about accepting what I don't deserve and have in no way earned, simply because God loves me.  Sometimes it is harder to accept love and forgiveness then it is to accept criticism.  I expect criticism, but I most definitely do not, always, expect love!  For me, I have to say that I don't go into a situation expecting the best.  This is perhaps, what holds me back-my own flawed expectations.

As individuals, are we afraid of hearing the truth as far as our shortcomings or are we afraid of hearing the truth that we are loved, despite our shortcomings?  Do we seek God but only go so far?  Do we seek God anticipating the best, or expecting the worst?  How different would our spiritual lives be if we could just trust enough to seek God, without holding back and anticipate the best?

Asa's story reminds me that God is waiting to be found by those who earnestly seek him.  Am I willing to step out a little further?  How about you?

Look for Him because He wants to be found!  Because He loves you and He Loves me!

Penance, Prayer and Depth

Penance is a really old fashion word that we historically associate with punishment, and that understanding is reinforced by the dictionary definition of the word.  I'd like to draw your attention to a few of the descriptive words in the definition:  "sincerely repent, confess and perform acts required".  I really got to thinking about this word as I read through chapter 5 in John Ardt's True Christianity (just a quick note if you decide to follow the link and read this yourself-it looks like it is all one big document but it does break down by chapter, you just have to look for the start of a new chapter in the body of the text).  Back to the topic at hand!  John Ardt made this statement:

 "For true conversion does not consist in putting away great and outward sins only, but in descending deeply into your own self, searching into the inmost recesses of the heart, the secrets and closets, all the windings and turnings thereof; changing and renewing them throughout, with the grace, that is given you..."

For an individual to really embrace the gift of grace, they need to understand that they have a need for forgiveness in the first place.  That's why we see Peter in Acts chapter 2 of The Message paraphrase saying:

"Change your life.  Turn to God and be baptized, each of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so your sins are forgiven." 

 Many did repent and were baptized.  Yet, we find Paul talking in chapter 5 of Hebrews about the fact that those who should be eating "solid food" are still drinking "baby's milk."  They understood on the surface, but they had not gone into the depth that John Ardt talked about.

We have the same problem in the modern church!  Think about it-why make the effort to go to church, or to fellowship with other believers if it does not make a significant difference in your life?  Depth matters!  I was reminded of this at a workshop that I participated in at the Church of the Resurrection's Leadership Institute.  Rev. Constance Cherry led the workshop and it's focus was on prayer-specifically corporate prayer.

Rev. Cherry asked a question that we should all ask and seriously consider: "if the people in this congregation only had me to teach them to pray, what would their concept of God be like?"  As leaders, we need to remember the importance of teaching others how to pray.  Corporate prayer is a conversation between God and people and what we say, the words we use, should reflect that understanding.  And true conversation not only involves speaking, but it also involves listening.  It involves acknowledging that God is present. Corporate prayer done well can be a model for individuals to use in their personal, private prayer time.  It can help us move towards a deeper relationship with God.

As I reflect on the information that I gleaned from this wonderful workshop I realize that prayer is one of the things I struggle with personally.   Particularly the quiet "listening" part and the admitting my shortcomings and mistakes and asking for forgiveness.  When was the last time that I sincerely repented, confessed and changed my ways?  It's not that I don't want to do these things, it's making the time to do them!  I long for that spiritual depth but I honestly didn't know where to begin!  I have the distinct impression that I am not the only one out there that struggles with the this issue!  The further down the road you go, the more you realize, the less you know!  Nothing like a little reminder that nails you squarely between the eyeballs!  (Yes, Virginia, God does have a sense of humor!  He puts up with me, that should be proof enough!  hee hee hee!)

So two lessons learned from this particular workshop.  One is that I need to work on my own prayer life and listen more and ask for forgiveness for my mistakes more often.  The second is that corporate prayer is important and I hope that my church will make this small change in our services to include more prayer time.  Modeling prayer in a corporate setting may be just the thing that an individual needs in order to make a significant change in their own life.  Isn't that what our faith walk is about?  Penance, prayer, grace and change.  Seeking depth rather than superficiality.  I pray that our faith community chooses to lead the way by example because it is a powerful and meaningful way-following in Jesus footsteps!

Time for me to go eat some more humble pie!

Forgiveness-It's a Living Thing

King David-remember him?  He is described as a "man after God's own heart", the giant slayer, the great leader of Israel.  King David the ultimate perfect God follower.  If you read in the Old Testament though, you realize that he was just as flawed as the rest of us.  Maybe that's why he is included in so much of the Old Testament, as a reminder to the rest of us that God can use even flawed individuals to do great things!

So it was with great interest that I read Psalm 109 in The Message paraphrase which is noted as "A David Prayer".  It starts off in the positive:

"My God don't turn a deaf ear to my hallelujah prayer..."

It goes down hill from there.  Basically he is praying for God to obliterate an enemy.  Here's just a part of the Psalm:

"Give him a short life and give his job to somebody else.  Make orphans of his children, dress his wife in widow's weeds; Turn his children into begging street urchins, evicted from their homes-homeless.  May the bank foreclose and wipe him out, and strangers, like vultures, pick him clean.  May there be no one around to help him out, no one willing to give his orphans a break.  Chop down his family tree so that nobody even remembers his name." 

It goes on, but you get the gist.  This was not a lovey-dovey, warm and fuzzy prayer.  This was the prayer of a man at the end of his rope wishing that the person who persecuted him was wiped out!

Let's be honest, we have all had similar thoughts and prayers at some point in our lives.  Our prayers though, are not documented like David's prayers!  We have been wronged and yet, the other person just keeps on keeping on.  Why why why do they not get their come uppance?  Where is the delivery for us, the justice we seek?  Seriously, haven't we endured enough?  Good Christians are not supposed to think that way, yet we all have those moments.

There have been times in my own life when I have endured some things I would not wish upon anyone else!  There have been times when I wondered why a house didn't fall out of the sky (a la Wizard of Oz) or why someone didn't get struck by lightening because they oh so deserved that fate!  Forgiveness was not exactly high on my list.  I had done nothing wrong yet I was the one who was suffering.  They needed to ask ME for forgiveness, not the other way around!  THEY were the ones who needed to be stopped.  THEY were the ones who needed to pay.

Yet, Jesus told us to forgive.  Not just once but "seven times seventy", or in other words, forgive without end. "But God," we argue, "they surely don't deserve it and they definitely haven't earned it!"  But that's not the point.  Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook.  No, it's far more personal.  Forgiveness allows you to be free from carrying the burden.  Anger unchecked, festers and it turns into bitterness and bitterness will eat you from the inside out.  To become totally and utterly absorbed by bitterness is an ugly thing.  It clouds your perception and taints everything in your life.  How you live, your relationships with others, your work become driven by your need for revenge.  It not only effects you spiritually, but it can effect you physically.  The longer you carry the burden the heavier it gets and the more exhausted you become!  No wonder Jesus was so clear about the need to forgive!  Forgiveness isn't just a "thing", it's a living thing!  If you want to live, really live, then you have to make a choice to let things go.  YOU have to choose to forgive!

If I sound like I speak from the voice of experience, you're right.  I've lived out both scenarios.  One time, when I was younger and I couldn't let go of what had been done to me, I made myself so miserable that I got to the point that I didn't want to live.  I attempted suicide.  Not as a way to "get even", no, I just wanted the pain to end!  I wasn't sleeping, I certainly wasn't eating right and my only thought was revenge.  I was consumed with settling the score.  There was no room for forgiveness in my heart.  A wise friend talked with me about it and I described how I felt and I clearly said "I am the victim, I can't forgive, I don't have the strength to forgive!"  My wise friend said, "you don't have the strength but God does, give it to him!"  So I said a prayer, "not by my strength but by the Lord's strength I forgive."  And it wasn't easy!  I had to say that prayer over and over and over again!  After a time though, it got easier.  I had to say it less often.  It got to the point where my first thought in the morning was not about revenge on my assailant.  It got to the point when it wasn't the last thought at night.  Eventually I got to a point where I stopped thinking about it completely.  I went from victim to victor.  I learned to forgive and in the process I got my life back!

Fast forward to a few years ago when I was attacked and accused unfairly.  It was just as painful, I was just as angry.  The difference though was I refused to let the bitterness consume me!  It wasn't easy, but I had learned my lesson.  I didn't want to go back to the way I had been when I was younger!  So I said the prayer again and I kept going and kept living.  Lo and behold, there came an opportunity to get my revenge.  I could have filed charges and had this individual thrown into jail and had a lien put on all of his posessions.  He would have lost everything.  I had individuals telling me that I should go ahead because he had certainly earned it for the hell he had put me (and my family) through and he surely deserved it so why not settle the score?  I didn't do it.  In the whole scheme of things, my act of forgiveness was more important to me than the satisfaction I might gain from seeking revenge.  I had moved on and I wasn't going back!  I chose to forgive and then live and that mattered more to me!

In this life people will hurt you through no fault of your own.  Yes, you have been wronged.  You have a right to be angry about what you have lost.  But you also have a choice.  You can choose to nurse that anger or you can choose to forgive.  When you choose to stop carrying the burden you choose to live.  Instead of focusing your energy on what you have lost and the person responsible for that loss you are instead free to focus on moving ahead!  What you choose to focus on dictates how you live.  And living is a whole lot easier when you let go of that burden and choose to forgive!  Another word for forgiveness is grace.  Grace is the essence of living because it opens up new and wonderful opportunites.  It truly is a living thing!

So the lesson of David's Psalm is this-we may feel the exact same way as he did, and justifiably so!  We may even have times when we pray a prayer just like his prayer.  But we have a choice.  We can wrap that anger around us like a comfortable blanket until it encloses us in bitterness or we can let it go and choose to forgive. Our choice will effect how we live.  Choose to forgive if you truly want to live!

Reclaiming the Essence of Worship

Worship is a touchy subject in many churches.  What makes it such a painful topic of conversation is "format" or "style of worship".  These disagreements have caused some serious rifts in congregations-worship wars!  I have some very strong opinions on worship and having planned worship, led worship and participated in worship I have just one thing to say.  Get over it!!!  Worship is not about "how" you do it, it is about why!

I like this take on worship in Psalm 100 in The Message paraphrase:

"On your feet now-applaud God!  Bring a gift of laughter, sing yourselves into his presence...Enter with the password: 'Thank you!' Make yourselves at home, talking praise.  Thank him.  Worship him."

Bottom line, it's not about us feeling good.  It is about us praising God and thanking God.  That is the whole point and all roads in regards to worship had better lead to God!  It's just that simple.

I, being a lover of all music, can worship God equally as well with a hymn as I can with a contemporary praise song!  Classical music?  Excellent.  Gregorian chant?  Inspiring.  Gospel music?  Fantastic!  I love it all and I can find a path to worship through any of these styles of music.  This is probably why I find worship wars so utterly ridiculous and pointless!  As far as I am concerned, the arguments miss the point!  A well planned worship service always leads the congregation on to the path of praise, thankfulness and worship in the presence of God!  Who are you focusing on?  What is your focus?  Are you really focusing on worshiping God?  Why did you pick this song or hymn?  Why do you have the service in this order?  If you are planning worship, then details matter!  Let me give you a couple of examples.

When I took over planning the contemporary service at our church there was one change that I insisted on which caught everyone by surprise.  It involved lighting the candles up front.  I wanted a child in our congregation to "bring the light in" and "carry the light out".  I didn't suggest this simply because I liked the idea!  I insisted on it because it was symbolic.  A child, bringing in the light of Christ, that light, prominently displayed up front and at the end of the service, a child carrying the light of Christ out in to the world.  Symbols matter!  They are important and I thought it was important to bring some of that symbolism back in to the service!  If the whole point of worship is about praising God and thanking God, a child is a good reminder about approaching the throne with child like faith!

Another complaint that I have heard is about saying the Lord's prayer.  Everybody does it by rote, it's just a part of the service, it means nothing, blah blah blah.  Well, maybe the reason it is rote is because someone hasn't done a thorough enough job of explaining the meaning behind it.  Or maybe it is because we as individuals haven't stopped long enough to think about what that prayer really says!

Let's stop and think about this for a minute and break it down.  "Our father"-yours, mine and everyone whether they acknowledge God or not.  "Who art in heaven"-the place that we are a part of yet is bigger than anything we can imagine.  "Hallowed be they name"-father totally rocks and we should honor him!  "Thy kingdom come"-I can't wait to see the big picture!  "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven"-help me do and act the way that you would, father!  "Give us this day our daily bread"-provide for me what I need to do what you ask of me today.  "And forgive us our trespasses"-forgive my stumbles and ignorance.  "As we forgive those who trespass against us."-remind me that I need to forgive those who have hurt me.  "And lead us not in to temptation"-give me the wisdom to not do the wrong thing!  "But deliver us from evil"-let your holy spirit guide my every move.  "For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever!" - your world is more real than this world and you are in control of all of it!   Thank goodness! "Amen"-so be it.

That was long but I think you get my point.  Everything that is a part of worship should have meaning.  The words, the symbols and the order matter.  And if you have to take a minute to explain it then do it-educate your congregation!  Think of worship planning like a river.  A river has rapids and quiet pools but a river always flows forward. The trees, the flowers and the rocks are there for a reason.  The point of worship is to praise God and to thank God and the river of worship should flow forward and bring us closer to that essence of worship.  And if you are a member of the congregation, remember that spirit of thanksgiving as you join with others to worship God with your presence and your praise!

So instead of wasting our time bickering over worship style why don't we instead focus on why we worship?  Let's focus instead on reclaiming the essence and true purpose of worship!  Regardless of what format or style that you use, make sure that what you do leads the congregation towards praising God and thanking God!  If all roads lead to God then you will have an inspiring worship service-regardless of style!  It's time that the people of God reclaim the essence of worship!  Amen and Amen!

I'm getting off my soapbox now...

School Days-Let's All Pray

Robert starts his first day of Senior year today.  It's hard to tell, but I do think he is excited about going back to school!  Not only will he get to see his friends but he also chose to take a pretty challenging course load this year which includes some Advanced Placement classes where he can earn some college credits.  He's a Senior, top of the heap, at the head of the pecking order in high school hierarchy.  I am so incredibly proud of him and his friends!

Senior year is really the only year of high school that I remember with some fondness.  That was the year when the social cliques formed in Freshmen and Sophomore years started to crumble and you started talking with other students in your class who were not part of your "inner circle".  That's when you started talking about what happens next and you started to field the question "what are you going to do after high school?"  Yup, Senior year was a lot of fun because suddenly everything that defined your world up to that point didn't matter quite so much.  It was the year of expanding horizons and lots of hope for the future mixed with a whole lot of questions!

There is one moment though, that I think really summed up Senior year for me, the moment when I decided that I didn't care what anyone else thought and chose to do the right thing.  I had actually forgotten about this until years later when my mother had a chance encounter with one of the young ladies directly impacted by a split second decision in a very crowded lunchroom during the beginning of the school year.

At my high school there was no such thing as grade level lunchtimes.  There were two separate lunch periods but it was a mixed bag of students from Freshmen to Seniors.  Every "group" had their "official" table spaces and there was an unwritten rule that you did not tread upon someone else's table turf.  Jocks at one table, computer geeks at another, musically inclined in their spot-the typical clique breakdown.  I happened to be involved with the drama club so that meant sitting with the music/art/drama group, which I had been a part of for my entire time in high school.  We had some new additions to drama club that year-some incoming freshmen so I knew some of the younger kids from the drama group but didn't know them well.  Two young freshmen ladies also had the same lunch period as we well established seniors and they hadn't quite found their group yet.  It was still early in the year but the tables had already filled up and they needed to find a place to sit for lunch!  They tried sitting at a couple of tables but were stopped by those already sitting there.  It got worse.  Some Freshman boys decided that they were mock worthy and started harassing them as they stood there with their trays in the middle of the lunchroom looking for a place to sit.  The boys blood sport started attracting attention.  I will never forget the look on Karen's face in particular, not just a dazed look but rather a look of fear and embarrassment-being on the verge of tears.  I knew what she was feeling, because I had felt that way too many times over my high school years! 

At the time I wasn't thinking about compassion and mercy or doing the right thing.  I was mad!  Mad at those punk little Freshman boys for treating these girls this way!  Just exactly who did they think they were?  They were not big boys on campus, they hadn't earned that right yet!  No, they were thoughtless juvenile little boys who needed to be knocked down a notch!  These were my girls and no punk Freshman was going to get away with treating them like that!  I wasn't the only one at my table who had this thought, my friends noticed as well!  The decision was unanimous, the girls would come sit with us at the Senior table.  I'm not sure which one of us called to them and invited them over but from that point on, they had a table to sit at for lunch every day!  And certain Freshman boys stopped using them for their sporting targets!  We made our point-they were under our protection and we would not tolerate anyone messing with them. 

Like I said, after high school I had forgotten all about that terrible moment.  It wasn't until years later that I realized just how important that decision was on that day.  My mother went to have her hair done by a new hair stylist who she hadn't been to before.  When she came home with her beautiful new look she started to tell me about the conversation she had with the young lady who had done her hair.  Turned out that the young lady was Karen and she told my mother the story of that day in the lunchroom.  She remembered me specifically!   And she remembered the horrible feeling of standing in the middle of the lunch room not knowing what to do and suddenly the relief of being invited to sit at the Senior table.  I may have forgotten but she never did!  Sometimes you'll never know the impact that you'll have on another person's life but understand this, little things do count and little things do matter even more than you can possibly imagine!

So today I pray for all students starting school and I pray for the teachers as well.  High school in particular can be such an awkward time and there is enough misery in the process of "becoming" without someone adding to it!  I hope that if my son sees a situation where someone is being made fun of or bullied that he will have the courage to intervene.  I hope that every child will choose to do the right thing! 

And Seniors, have a little fun along the way! 

Blessings upon blessings to you all today!

All my love,

Mom

Sometimes You Gotta Fix the Foundation

When we got to Vermont last Monday our first stop was mom and dad's house.  My brother, Randy (my son's namesake) was already there and had already started working on the old Blacksmith shop in the back yard.  We all knew back in November when dad got sick that the building needed some work to stabilize the structure.  The back wall was sinking and it needed to be jacked up and repaired.  Now you might say, "why bother, why not just tear it down?"  The building is part of the local history of the town, and it has stood for a long long time.  It has a story to tell about where we came from and how we got to the here and now.  So, in our minds, there was never a question about fixing it, simply put, it needed to be done!

On closer inspection, Randy discovered something that we were not expecting.  The front wall was actually in far worse shape then the back wall.  The bottom base boards were supporting nothing at all!  The wood was literally crumbling into sawdust!  The only thing holding the building up was the center support beam that dad had installed years ago.  That's why it had shifted, that's why the back wall was sinking.  So the jacks came out and the front wall weight was placed on them and then the cutting began to remove the dry rotted wood.  New lumber was cut up and new support beams were placed under the wall to give it a stable foundation.  The back wall foundation will be replaced later on once the building settles on to it's new foundation on the front wall.  It's a process that will take some time but in the end, the building will be just as sturdy as it used to be!

Here comes the parallel to life, my little "ah ha" moment!  Sometimes the foundation which was sound in the first place, ends up crushing under the weight of the building put upon it and there comes a point when you have to rebuild in order to stabilize the entire building. 

Dad had told us, we had full warning.  I was reminded of this when I was reading about Jonah this morning.  Now Jonah is an interesting story.  He was, to put it mildly, a reluctant prophet.  Being asked to go to pagan Nineveh to warn them of their impending doom was not high on his priority list!  Let em burn!  Let em fall!  What's the harm?  So he took a boat heading in the opposite direction and well, you know the story, storm comes up, sailors have to throw him overboard in order to save their ship, he's swallowed by a whale and then a few days later he is spit up on the shore just outside of Nineveh!  It's not optional, he's going to deliver the message! 

To Jonah's shock and dismay, people actually listen!  They repent!  God changes his mind and doesn't destroy them!  How is that fair???  They had it coming!  Seriously, God, seriously???  Jonah, the reluctant prophet was rather a sore winner.  God's vision and victory was far different from Jonah's victory and vision.  Nineveh was able to start rebuilding the foundation before it was too late!  God works in wonderful and mysterious ways!

I can relate to Jonah and his reluctance.  I was very hesitant about starting this blog because quite frankly I knew there were times when I would have to say something that wasn't going to be popular!  I was going to have to say things that were hard and uncomfortable but needed to be said whether I liked it or not!  I'm not a minister or a minister in training or someone in leadership, I'm just plain ole me!  But I knew that it was important for someone like me to not only sound a warning but to make sure that a message of hope was being conveyed.  My confirmation that I am doing what God asks of me is confirmed when I read other blog posts and news reports and see that they are hitting on the same topics that I am, unbeknownst to me!  I post my blog then I go and read other bloggers and I go "oh my gosh, they're talking about the same exact thing!"  God is trying to get a message out and he will use whomever and whatever means necessary to get the point across!  That is awesome!  For my part, it's a big responsibility to make sure I get it right!

So what is the point being made today?  Our country had a good foundation.  The United Methodist Church had a good foundation.  Sometimes though the weight of the system presses down so hard that the foundation starts to crumble.  The goodness still exists, we just have to stabilize and reclaim the soundness! It's time to start rebuilding the foundation.

In regards to our country, the foundation that needs to be rebuilt rests on jobs.  If people are working they can pay their bills.  Working people pay taxes.  Working people save money and invest.  Working people buy things.  The little legislation that is coming out of Washington is crushing the foundation.  Add to that the bickering and inertia and the weight just keeps getting heavier.  We need to be praying for our leaders, more so now than ever!  They are an important part of stabilizing the country's foundation!  Pray for your local community leaders as well because they are invested in your community just as much as you are!  They don't want to see it die off, they want to live in a community that thrives!  We need to pray that they have the wisdom to act in the best interests of everyone, the inspiration to help create new and exciting ideas and the perseverance to stick it out and see it through!  I truly believe that change will come from the bottom up and my darling friends it starts with you and me and a willingness to help and to hold our leaders accountable!

As to the United Methodist Church, there is a real need to get back to basics.  People come to church looking for grace, guidance, hope, inspiration-they have questions and they are looking for answers.  We need to encourage people to read their Bible and teach them how to read it and why it matters!  We need to teach them how it can apply to their everyday lives beyond Sunday morning service!  We need to pray for them and with them and we need to teach them how to pray on their own, no matter the circumstance.  We need to teach them how to listen for that still small voice-the Holy Spirit who will guide and support them no matter where they are, no matter what they are doing.  We need to teach them how to praise God and count their blessings and to be thankful for each day, hour, minute and second.  We need to teach them why being a part of a community of believers matters in their lives and how sharing the sacraments is more than going through the motions, it's a spiritual bond to God, their family, their church family and their community.  We need to pray for our Spiritual leaders as well to guide us and hold them accountable to preach the gospel and teach others in our church how to lead, not just follow.  From personal experience, I would say that the greatest leaders are the most willing servants.  They inspire others because their actions truly line up with their words!  We need more servant leaders!

It's not too late!  We've been given a warning.  The foundation can be fixed.  We just have to decide if we are willing to do the work to fix it!  I believe that many people are willing, they just need the encouragement to follow through!  My darling friends, let's get to work on fixing the foundation today!

The World is my Prayer Closet

As a Lay speaker I have had to do my share of pulpit-fill over the years.  If I had to pick a general thread  that runs through the sermons I have preached it would be how scripture relates to my everyday life.  A good friend of mine asked me how I am able to make that connection.  She said to me "ya know, I read the words but I just don't 'feel' them!" 

Honestly, I don't always feel the words either!  More times than not, however, I do make a connection.  I tend to start off my Bible reading with an expectation that I'm going to get something out of it that I can use in my everyday life.  I'm not sure when I first started thinking that way but if my various Bibles with their multi-colored highlights and handwritten notes are any indication it's been many years!  I do believe though that I can point to one thing that pointed me in that direction-a book called "Experiencing the depths of Christ" by Jeanne Guyon.

I "rediscovered" it on my bookshelf yesterday.  I had read this book about 20 years ago.  The copy I have is an "updated to modern English" version of a book originally published around 1685.  It is a book about prayer and the discipline of praying.  The first type of prayer that she talks about is "praying the scripture".  It is a process where you pick some scripture and read slowly and pause to see what you experience-what message you believe is being conveyed.  I love these quotes:

"Praying the scripture is not judged by how much you read but by the way in which you read."

"In praying the scripture you are seeking to find the Lord in what you are reading."

"Plunge into the very depths of the words you read until revelation, like a sweet aroma, breaks out upon you."

In essence, she describes exactly the process that I use!  I have found over the years that the more I do this, the more I get out of my Bible reading!  I have been using this method all of this time without consciously realizing!  For me, it was a wonderful realization and a relief because I've had this sense that I needed to be doing more!  I've felt rather guilty because my life doesn't allow me the chance to lock myself away in a prayer closet for extended periods of time.  My study, my prayer, my praise come in bits and snatches because I have a family to take care of and needs that must be met! 

God is faithful!  He meets me where I am at and takes those small seeds of offering and waters them and makes them grow and bloom!  Life becomes a continual prayer.  Even when everything is going haywire and things are falling down around me I can still experience peace and joy and praise because God is there!  He is still leading, guiding and orchestrating even when I am not aware! 

It reminds me of Psalm 1:2-3:

"...their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night.  They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither.  In all that they do, they prosper."

My life in this world is my prayer closet!  Whew!  What a relief!

Be Still-It's On My "To Do" List

Today is one of those days.  I'm tired and a bit testy.  It's one of those days when I wish I could just sit quietly in prayer and meditation.  I can picture it in my head-a quiet spot, soft pillows, surrounded by the soft glow of lighted candles, the soft sound of birds chattering in the trees outside, just basking in the presence of God!  Ahh....

Then reality smacks me in the face.  I'm a mother!  Quiet just doesn't happen and hasn't happened in my house for years!  The closest I get to "quiet" is waking up at the crack of dawn while everyone else is sleeping!  Even then, I have to contend with the dogs.  If I am fortunate, all four canines are busily snoring away dreaming their doggie dreams but usually, I'm not so lucky!

Yes, life runs right up against my best laid plans.  During the school year, there are papers to sign, buses to catch, a teenager to get out the door on time!  Other times, there is a dog to let out, a dog to let in, a dog to step over because he's laying right in the way!  Then of course there's laundry to do and dishes to wash and sneakers to be found and a million other things which means continually juggling the "to do" list.  Daily Bible reading-if it's short can be accomplished in one sitting.  Longer daily readings or Disciple Bible Study for the day faces 2 to 3 interruptions at least!  Prayer comes in short snatches between loading the laundry into the washer and putting the clean dishes away in the cupboard.  Meditation-taking a piece of scripture and reflecting on it...yeah, I wish!

Yet, I must be meditating without really realizing it because the connection between scripture and life will catch me in the weirdest places and at the strangest times!  I'll watch my children playing and the verse "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" will pop in to my head.  Or I'll notice a flower in the yard and "consider the lilies" will jump forward in to my thoughts.  Driving the car, shopping at the grocery store, hanging laundry on the clothesline, working in the garden, all of these ordinary moments have been moments of extreme clarity where a scripture verse will pop in to my head and I go "huh, that's kind of cool!" 

So maybe I can't "be still" in the classic sense because life just doesn't work that way for me.  However, God seems to find ways to inject "be still" moments in to my every day moments without any help from me!  Amazing grace indeed!